midnight ramblings...

Well, I really should be sleeping right now, but have been thinking alot lately and wanted to get some feelings out. Brent and I have been going crazy remodeling our guest bedroom into Mason's new room and Mason's room is now turned into Cash's new nursery, and while it's been SO much fun, exhausting, but fun...it's hard to not help but think about all the things that really are going to change in a few short months.

First of all, as a mother of one, I always hear people saying "I just didn't know how I could love someone else as much as I loved my first one...etc" and I have those feelings now and then but even more so, I'm having so many emotions about Mase right now and all of the changes he's going through. He's walking so much everywhere now, and tonight as I was watching him explore all over the place in his excited world I just was in awe of how amazing he is. God has blessed us beyond belief and my heart is overflowing with joy and excitement as he's going through all of these phases in his life. Of course, I have my moments, of "AWWWHHHH MASE....you're growing up too fast" as he touches his nose, ears, mouth, hair, etc. on command, blows kisses, stands on his 'tippies', shows us he's 'ONE' year old with is precious chubby little hand...claps, dances...snuggles...begs for food by saying please in sign language over and over...I've never been so proud in my life. I am finding myself snuggling extra long with him...going the extra mile carrying him around if he's cuddling with me. I'm trying so hard not to give up these moments too fast because before long they'll all be shared and he will just be getting bigger and bigger.

I don't know if any of these thoughts are even making sense, it's just a bizarre feeling, I'm so excited to meet baby Cash and know that our hearts will just continue to grow with more room for more and more love but since I've yet to experience that (as Pam and i were talking the other day :)) it's hard to imagine how that will go. In the mean time, I'm sure enjoying loving on Mason and sharing such special moments with the three of us, that normally are easy to take for granted...I'm trying SO hard to let the dishes go, let the counters be full of crumbs, or the floor covered in Mason's dinner remains...I don't want to look back on these few months before Cash was born and regret not enjoying all of the little moments that I could when Mason was our only child.(so in case you stop by our house at any point in time...beware, it could be scary...I'm trying to let go of my 'monica-ness') to some degree anyway...

Dear Jesus,
Thank you for the gift of life and for trusting us with two baby boys to raise to know you. I thank you for the small things in life that give us so much joy in our daily walk. I pray you continue to help me as I am striving daily to do all I can to teach Mason about you and to live as an example of a mommy who loves the Lord with all of her heart. we love you, Lord.
Love,
Brent, Jess, Mase, and Cash