sweet Cash...

Well it's been a whirlwind of emotion this last week as on Thursday evening Cash began excessively throwing up. Brent and I weren't terribly concerned @ first, as he had two days earlier scooped a handful of raw egg into his mouth while helping me make breakfast. (nasty) :) So it was our assumption (and also the doctors concern) that he had developed salmonella poisoning. Many of the symptoms include extreme stomach cramping, vomiting, etc. So as he went through the phases, he began having extreme diarhea for two days, then began vomiting again. When the vomiting started up again we became really worried and new something else had to be going on. At this point we took him to urgent care to have him checked out (where they did check for appendicitis, but he showed no pain when his right side was pressed on firmly.) So we were sent home and being monitored over the phone with our Dr. every few hours.

Come Tuesday Brent and I had booked a resort in Scottsdale for our 3 days this year we were going to be together without our kids. We had already arranged for Brent's parents to keep the kids, and so to get out of the house and still enjoy what we had already paid for, we brought Cash along and were able to really focus on taking care of him that way. Mase and Marli went on to Grams and Pops and LOVED the extra attention they were getting @ their house. We were @ the hotel for an hour and half or so before we decided to take him to the hospital.

We got here, and found after getting a CT scan that his appendix had ruptured. Apparently for young children, it's not safe to operate immediately if the appendix already burst. So what they prefer to do is go in for the first surgery to drain the infection that's formed a large absess around the appendix. THEN treat with antibiotics forever ;) and 6 to 8 weeks later when his little body isn't so compromised, then they go in and remove the appendix remains. I was always under the impression if your appendix burst it needed removed immediately. So as we waited all night in the ER knowing it had burst, our hearts were breaking, and our minds were wandering like crazy. Because this can be deadly. The kept telling us they were monitoring him keeping him comfortable, etc. and in my mind, I'm thinking of course he's comforable, you're pumping morphine into him, all the while this infection is spreading through his body. Needless to say, after several attempts of getting an IV in, all the while Cash screaming, sweating, we were assured that the operation needed to wait. So we waited.

Literally hundreds of times I've heard that heartbreaking "owie" out of Cashes little mouth, but finally @ 3 yesterday they went in to drain the infection. I've never had to see one of my children be put under, but that was disturbing to say the least. They warned us that he'd scream because the medicine burns, so as we were kissing his sweet face he was screeeeaaaming then looked at us and in one second went from screaming to out cold. Crazy to me how fast that works and also alarming. Brent and I came out to the waiting room and held each other crying. You may expect that from me, but when I see my husband who as most of you know, is not your typical crier, breakdown, I have no chance of holding it together.

So...procedure went well, he now has a drain that is continuing to come out of his little body & a port for IV's from home after we leave here that goes up through his arm into his heart. He was resting comfortably and Brent and I noticed his tummy started to grow by what felt like the second. It was rock hard and expanding quickly. THe surgeon came to our room to check on him and began filling us in on the new scenario. His bowels began to shut down. Very common, however if the large intestine were to shut down, they'd need to operate immediately again to revive it. So doctors and nurses were rushing in and out of our room, calling the xray team up, and getting the surgical team on standby in case he had to be rushed in. The nurses came in and quickly put a tube in his nose that went to his tummy and it began draining an excessive amt. of fluid out. His heart rate was through the roof, because he couldn't breath. His stomach swelling was taking up all of this space to breath and the tiny little un-swollen top part of his chest was rapidly raising up and down. As Brent and I sat by the bed and tried to calm him and hold his hands I had moments of being unable to breath myself. I thought there was a chance we might lose him. I glanced @ Brent in our state of feeling helpless and saw tears just streaming down his face. It was the scariest moment by far of our minimal years as parents.

However, the draining of his tummy helped and we got good news that only his small bowels had shut down, therefore no addition operation was necessary. The doctor that was on this evening was sent to me from Jesus, I believe. He sat next to me and as he was explaining Cash's situation I began to cry and he was very reassuring and just such a nice guy. He kept coming into our room after things calmed down just to visit with us and assure us of the progress Cash was making, etc. Don't get me wrong, I've been very pleased with ALL of the doctors and nurses we've had here, however, I did flat out ask one of them if Cash was going to die (before his operation and things were up in the air) and he looked @ me, and said, "well, Jessica I can't say no." then proceeded to explain how in Cash's situation he'd be very surprised if he were to die, etc he's just unable to say for certain, he just phrased it horribly. :)

SO...things are looking up. The plan is to be here for another week on antibiotics, then home for 10 days with antibiotics in the little IV that goes to his heart then back again in 6-8 weeks for another operation. But he's going to be just fine and is the strongest little guy. All the nurses keep telling us that he's handling his pain extremely well.

Through all of this Brent and I both have been dealing with extreme guilt. That darn mom-guilt that nothing we do is ever good enough all though we're trying our best. I keep picturing him hobbling around our house holding his tummy telling myself, I should've known it was something more. I have TWICE the guilt because dag-gum...MY APPENDIX has ruptured. When I was in High school. I am crying right now just playing through the "what-ifs" of the situation, but God is giving me very special moments of peace that have outweighed all the anxieties. The surgeon also assured me that over 50% of kids Cash's age who come in with appendicitis, it's already ruptured. Because they can't vocalize specifically the right side of their tummy hurts, etc. AND HE has never operated on a child Cash's age who's hadn't already ruptured. SO he made me feel better for a few minutes :) I think if anything we've learned not to get so 'tunnel' focused thinking it's only salmonella, etc. Who knows if he even had salmonella! But if this raw egg incident wouldn't have happened we probably would've thought to bring him in sooner, although, day 3 of all of it was when they checked his appendix @ urgent care and by then they said it may have already ruptured because it didn't bother him when they pushed on the right side that day. So...even if we would've brought him in sooner we could still be where we are right now. God has had his hand in all of this and that has been extremely evident.

He has drawn so near to us, and I've just been overwhelmed with thankfulness for His healing power and the love and support from friends and family makes me cry every time I even mention it. We have so much to be grateful for and things could be much much worse than they are. So we're so happy that things God-willing will get easier for little Cash Isaiah from here! But take it from me, if your child starts puking, no matter WHAT has happened the day before, make sure the right side of his little belly isn't causing excruciating pain... :(

Sweet Cash,
You have been through so much this last week, it's been heartbreaking to see you in so much pain and going through so many procedures @ this hospital...I'm lifting you up again right now to our heavenly father who's already holding you in his arms. I pray that His healing touch will continue to come over your little body and fully heal this infection. Mommy is so sorry we didn't catch this sooner, I have so many feelings of things I wish looking back, I would've thought about. I am so proud of you and how strong you have been through all of this, and I'm sooo excited to get to see you smiling & laughing again with that sweet, feisty little personality of yours shining through. I'm missing that, but am so thankful that you are on the road to getting better. You hold our hearts in your tiny little hands. We love you so much.